Author: awquest@hotmail.com

Reality in Life

We all struggle with the idea of who we are, where we’re going and why we are here. It is important to understand that the reality of our life is what we make it.  Is it what will happen to us or is it the realization that we can determine where we’re going to go?  Of course, detours may happen along the way, but it is the self-determination that we focus on that guides us to our ultimate purpose.

We can talk about our system of belief, our philosophy of the purpose of life, our origins, our experiences, our upbringing or any of the other factors that may have determined who we are and where we’re going. These are all valid but, in the end, it is our environment today that determines our current reality infused with our attitude, positive or negative, that establishes who we are today and sets the stage for who we will be tomorrow.

If you look at yourself, are you someone who is progressing toward a destination that is satisfying?  Or, do you see yourself not making any progress in your life or slipping backwards? What is it about your reality that needs to change? What is it about your attitude that needs to change?  If you believe in self-determination, you need to figure out what the next step is going to be. If you don’t, you will wait and react to the next thing that happens to you. Is that really what you want to do, wait for something to happen to you?

No matter what your belief system is today, it can be different tomorrow. If you say, “I am so down in the ditch, there is no way my life can be different tomorrow,” you are not understanding how elevating your life can be when measured in the smallest of factors. What is important is the smallest bit of progress, measured by you, not the immediate complete change.  The transition can be instant or barely noticeable.  It is only you who fixates on the outcome.

What is important is change you are creating in your mind; you need to believe that the change is worthwhile and fixate on that notion. To transcend, you need to change your mind.  You need to change your mindset and change your attitude.  No one can do this for you.  Stepping up to face a life change means flipping the switch.  I say this from experience – smoking. For seventeen years I didn’t know what it took to stop. I tried hundreds of times.  Finally it got to the point where I had to flip the switch in my mind! Emphatically determine that I was going to quit smoking. I was not going to fall for the gratification that smoking gave me.  I was going to enjoy other gratifications that came along with not smoking.  All this was a mental process – not a time absorbing process, just an acceptance in the absolute belief that I no longer had to do this activity. It was just a decision that was made that finally clicked in my mind. The decision clicked and my mind’s switch was flipped, and I no longer had the urge to smoke.

All this may seem very easy, but it’s not.  I understand that. My point here is that your reality in life is what you make it. You need to get rid of the negative perceptions of your past and decide on the realities of your future. Let me say that one more time – get rid of the perceptions of your past and dwell on the realities of your future.

Please understand I’m here to help you.  I have an incredible will to help others flip the switch. Email me or call me anytime to help you get to where you want to be.

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Learning to Speak

It is hard to speak to people when you have grown up introverted and the thought of carrying on a conversation is not pleasant. It is important to keep to oneself so this doesn’t happen. Besides, there is nothing wrong with being in my own company. These thoughts are what used to go through my mind as a youngster and still do, at times.

My family was very supportive and open throughout my younger years. The home was a secure and happy place. I don’t know what caused me to be introverted. My brother and sister didn’t seem to have the same affliction.  Sports was my activity of choice if I had to be out among people.

As I grew into my mid- to late teens, being introverted became more and more an issue. I’m not sure when but when I came to the realization that I had to come out of this in order to be “normal” and successful. This process was vital and I had to take steps to improve the situation.

The first thing I did was realize I had to change my perception of conversations up to this point, thoughts such as I don’t have anything to say, what I might say is not important, what if the person thinks it is stupid, I don’t want to do this. My self-talk around these thoughts had to change.

I had to learn that a conversation is between two or more people.  The other person consciously or unconsciously is having the same thoughts as I am. Their behaviors, like mine, will be dictated by the responses they receive.  For example, if I said the sky was blue and the other person thought it was red, doubt creeps in for them.  Understanding that the other person was going through the same emotions boosted my self-confidence.

The next thing was to realize that the interaction is just a conversation.  It is not an earth-shattering event or a world changing moment.  I did not need to make so much of it and just express myself and move on.

Next, I decided to prepare for conversations by being someone else.  This may seem a bit weird, but it worked. As I began or entered a conversation, I became someone whom I knew loved to talk, I kept this persona into the introduction and start of the conversation then reverted to myself.  I wonder if the other person ever noticed the change of energy.

Another change was to learn to enjoy the conversation.  Instead of dreading it, I was determined to try to learn something from each one.  This caused me to listen better and to look forward to speaking to someone.

From a career perspective I knew I had to be able to speak. I never took any communication classes or public speaking in school but knew I had to change my behavior. I decided early in business to become an entry level trainer.  This forced me to speak to people one-on-one and in groups. The key was that I knew the subject matter and they didn’t! This one concept served me well in my public speaking career.

In summary, all the points mentioned allowed me to break free of being an introvert.  It is still buried deep down but has had its time.  Learning to speak is all about self-confidence and knowing the environment around each conversation or presentation.  That environment can be controlled by you to enable yourself to be confident and enjoy the moment.  I can now totally choose which conversations to participate in rather than avoid all of them at any cost.  Go forth and speak boldly!! 😊

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What’s New with Attitude Reality and the Fergusson Group?

As we approach the end of 2019, it is time to let everyone know what is going on with our unique company.  It has been a great year full of new experiences and wonderful challenges.  We are now nestled in the beautiful southwest, Mesa, AZ. 

  • We are in the process of developing an informative five eBook series called Creative Purpose.  This series will concentrate on helping people to discover the terrific opportunities available when determining their place in the world and their own purpose.  With so much chaos and confusion around us, knowing who you are has never been so important.
  • Our Life Coaching aspect continues to gain traction and we are so excited about the direction in which this is headed.  The focus is helping people “find their way”.  In an ever-chaotic world, more people, from young to old, are struggling to find their purpose and a direction for their life.  One statistic that stands out is that searches for Life Purpose has doubled over the last five years!
  • In the works, due out in mid-2020, is our book, “When Angels Collide.”  This book will be a unique take on the mystery of the end times with a surprise ending. 
  • The Attitude Reality blog will continue to produce helpful articles for you to help in your journey toward purpose and life in general.  We will be expanding by referring to other similar blogs to help you get all the resources you might need.  Please sign up for the newsletter in the top of the column to the right.
  • FergMart.com is our other shop that has more items plus a unique selection of eBooks. 
  • The Fergusson Group is continuing to offer training and classes for individuals and organizations.  We pride ourselves on the unique presentation style that gets everyone involved.  The key is to view the topic from a unique standpoint.  Visit Fergussongroup.org to see more.

We are excited about all the activities going on and would love to hear from you with suggestions, comments, guest articles or references to other sites.  Also, and most importantly, if you know someone who might need assistance, please refer them to our services.  Payment is never an issue when someone is in need.

Our contact information is:         

6329 East Des Moines Street, Mesa, AZ 85205

(425) 377-3303 or (425) 358-6163

Ask for Craig                      

Determine That You Have the Want To!

After being in business for so many years, it has always struck me how people would like to do certain things. They even appear to have a passion and love for the event or task. Unfortunately, sometimes having these things is not enough. We get into the “head game” of knowing, for sure, that we would be great at something until it gets down to the want to.  I’m not talking about a “need to” but rather the inner voice and action that drives you to absolutely want to accomplish this or that.

I have, for example, had people tell me that they would like to become a manager. I know exactly where they are going with this and I can see it in their eyes whether they have a want to or they “need to.” Why would someone need to be a manager? Easy, more money, power, flexibility, benefits, development, etc. So, why don’t these people have the want to? Simply put, it is because they lack the critical qualities of motivation, focus, determination, effort and, probably most importantly, it does not fit into their “life purpose.”

Motivation, focus, determination and effort are all very recognizable terms in respect to the building blocks of success.  The last point, life purpose, is probably a bit head scratching for some people but is the most important of all these descriptors.  Why do we do the things we do and what keeps us going to accomplish everything that needs to be done?  As in many activities, there needs to be a foundation.  To determine if you will excel in an activity, you have to see how it fits into your life purpose.  If it doesn’t fit, there is very little likelihood, even with all the other factors in play, that success will be achieved.

Again, life purpose is the foundation of what we do.  Unfortunately, most people do not know, nor are they seeking, their purpose.  At this point, we need to find our life purpose and determine what we will do with the rest of our life. Or, do we first determine what is important in our life and then determine from there where we want to take our purpose.  For example, when I was growing up, I wanted to be a doctor.  I knew this was going to be my life purpose, but I lacked the focus and determination to achieve that result.  Aspects of being a doctor captured me and helped me to this day in my pursuit of my life passion.  In other words, I couldn’t be a medical doctor, but I deeply care about coaching and counseling people toward success in their own life.  This was the aspect that I saw in my father, who was a doctor, and now I have followed in those footsteps.

When you start thinking about your life purpose, think about:

  1. What is important to you?
  2. What you dreamt about growing up?
  3. Where you are now? 

These three questions are the starting points of determining life purpose.  Remember, although right now you may not see what your life purpose may be, you are living it. 

Once you have a foundation (life purpose) and you wake up with the drive, motivation, focus and determination, nothing can stop you.  Once you have these qualities, you have inside you the want to.  When you have the want to, everything else blurs into the background and you approach your life with the clarity that you never knew existed.

I hope you take these suggestions and spend some quiet time pondering the three questions.  Take some time no matter what your situation and know that if you’re at rock bottom, you will drive to the top quickly.  If you’re just going through the motions every day, take the steps mentioned and excel in the field of your choice. 

Taking the first step is always difficult, but find like-minded people and talk about the qualities of focus, determination, motivation and life purpose. I guarantee it will be an exhilarating conversation.

After being in business for so many years, it has always struck me how people would like to do certain things. They even appear to have a passion and love for the particular event or task. Unfortunately, sometimes having these things is not enough. We get into the “headgame” of knowing, for sure, that we would be great at something until it gets down to the “Want to”. Now, I’m not talking about a “need to” but rather the inner voice and action that drives you to absolutely “want to” accomplish this or that.

I have, for example, had people tell me that they would like to become a manager. I know exactly where they are going with this and I can see it in their eyes whether they have a “want to” or they “need to”. Why would someone need to be a manager. Easy, more money, power, flexibility, benefits, development, etc. So, why don’t these people have the “want to”? Simply put, it is because they lack the critical qualities of motivation, focus, determination, effort and, probably most important, it does not fit into their “life purpose”!

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Your World Is What You Think It Is

We all go about our daily lives not really paying attention to the activities of others around us.  Life seems to move forward no matter how we try to speed it up or slow it down.  Our attitude tends to put everything in perspective for us and we don’t think twice about what that attitude is. 

We wake up in a good mood, bad mood, or just figure it is another day.  We don’t reflect on the best way to start today, although, if we did, it would set a positive tone for the remainder of the day. 

How do you see the world?  Is it through your eyes or through someone else’s?  So often we let others dictate how we feel, what we believe, or determine who we are.  When we are children, this is natural as we don’t know any better, but, as we grow older, our world view should be our own.  Remember the term “peer pressure.”  This refers to our behavior and decisions determined by those around us.  Most of the time, this begins in school and can last a lifetime.   

The end of a dream can come from words or an attitude of someone else.  The dream itself was formulated inside each one of us.  We can hold on to that dream by knowing we all have the potential to realize it no matter what. 

So often I run into people with no self-esteem and I wonder how this happened.  Who said or did something previously to drive them down?  If you watch people every day, you see those who can’t make eye contact, who think that their low position job is the best they will ever be, who feel like they have nothing to contribute.  All this is a result of external pressures that we have internalized to be true.  It is easy to tell people they have more value than they realize but it means nothing until they internalize that message. 

How do you create your own special world?   

First, what happened in the past is gone.  Let it go.   

Determine to find a positive in every aspect of your life.   

Live in the here and now.   

Be present and focus on every interaction throughout the day.   

Reflect on every conversation.  Look for the hidden gems.   

Be excited for the future but don’t dwell on it.  Plan simply.   

Don’t try to do too much. 

Creating your world is like producing a movie.  You are the star.  The script that you go by is one that you have written yourself.  Like any good script, it takes time and effort.  Also, the benefit of your personal script is that it can be adjusted as you go.  You decide when you want to “ad lib” and make other changes.  All movies have a supporting cast.  Since you are the casting director, you determine who is going to support you and what role they will play. 

The message is that you have control over what your life will be like.  You may be affected by other people, but it is YOUR choice whether you accept it or not.  Be the one in charge and determine what your life plan will be and then carry it out utilizing the tips above.  Doing so will generate the happy and fulfilling life that you are seeking. 


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The Hidden Needs of Others

There is a YouTube video, link attached, that illustrates the true ability of a person to see behind the obvious. It is a video that is very strong and very powerful in communicating what goes on behind our perceptions. It is also a video that talks about ourselves and how we are motivated or defined by our attitude and how our attitude can be worked up in such a manner that we fail to see things as they really are.  

We have this in our lives everyday where we allow external factors to affect the way we are perceiving things or allow our attitudes to be affected. For example, you are in a management position and you work with customers. On most days, the customers’ energy is what brings you satisfaction and happiness in your position because most people enjoy shopping and making purchases, but occasionally you have that customer who is negative, complaining and it seems you simply can’t do anything to please this person. The longer this negative interaction continues, the more your attitude is soured for that hour or day. Therefore, for the remainder of that period, your perceptions of what you see and hear are tainted, all because of that one negative customer. Some people can allow that to roll off their shoulders and are able to maintain their positive attitude, but negative people drain us of our positive energy.  

Spending our day interacting with people can affect how we continue to communicate with others and how we treat them, and, I would say, how we are treated in return, because what we give is what we receive. It takes practice to train ourselves to be consistent in our actions and to be willing to understand the treatment we are receiving from others. We need to look in the mirror and see our reflection. It only requires taking a five second pause from what we’re doing, standing back and asking, “what’s going on, where are you right now, and where do you want to be?” This is something we normally don’t do but should.  The reflection we see is our attitude going to work on our perceptions.  Sometimes we are worked up to the point of being close to pulling an emotional “trigger”.  Emotional triggers come in many different situations – a teacher demeaning a student’s homework, an athlete who hears boos from the crowd. What does that do to his or her performance going forward? These determine how we communicate and how our attitude can change because of external factors.  

The reason we are talking about this today is because of our perceptions of others and whether we are actually seeing them or not and understanding what is going on behind the action. The video I mentioned really brings this to light, as it shows a man going through a typical day. It also shows how perceptions work him up toward his response level. He is looking at people through a certain filter and not seeing the entire picture. It is paramount for us as we go through each day, to understand where the other person is coming from. Unless we do not want to deal with people at all, it is always going to be something that we need to look at. Some people are very good at it and some are not. I know many people, who, when I enter a conversation with them, it is a very one-sided conversation. People love to talk about themselves and talk about themselves constantly. When they are doing that, obviously there are some thoughts and perceptions that are going on with the person they are talking to. For example, a thought might be I wonder if they’re ever going to ask about me? I wonder if they are even concerned about anything I am going through? I wonder how this person can be so egotistical? Each one of those thoughts or feelings creates a perception of the speaker, but if you turn it around and look at that person and wonder why they are talking so much and why are they so self-involved, there are probably multiple answers. We may never know where that person is coming from.  

The video below reflects what one person sees and what happens when he does not take into consideration other people’s needs.  When we all look at ourselves in the mirror and take the time to understand others, it means better communication for both sides and probably more understanding about the needs of other people.  

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Life’s Purpose – What Is Important to You?

Do you ever notice that life is cyclical?  It goes up and down and seems to do that all the time.  Wouldn’t it be nice if there could be some consistency in the way that our lives go?  The trouble with that idea is that with all the factors we are presented with in the course of living, it is very hard to control what we are faced with.  We encounter random events in our lives that shape who we are.  We know the path we are supposed to go down, but these events can sometimes derail those plans or veer us off into other paths. 

Consistency in life may be difficult, but we can, at least, find a path where we can make some ruts that will allow us to limit the “lows” and enjoy and maximize the “highs”.  So many books have been written about how all this can be done.  More importantly, the books have been written about how to find your life purpose.  In fact, that is what my business is all about.  How many people truly find their life purpose?  I would volunteer that most people are in the minority when it comes to this endeavor.  Still, finding life purpose is the key.  In other words, perhaps the definition of life purpose should be wrapped around the question: “What is important to you?”. 

When we begin to answer this question, the whole concept of life purpose can begin to take shape.  I compare seeking a life purpose to setting goals.  In setting goals, very often we set them lofty and very general.  Therefore, the goals become grandiose, out of scale, and, truth be told, impossible to attain.  It is when you break these goals down into bite-size pieces they become very attainable, yet on the path to that grand goal, we find some happiness and some sense of accomplishment.  It is this sense of accomplishment that encourages us to continue our journey toward that goal.  If we look at life purpose as the grand goal, we can see where frustration might come in.  We can see where the diverging paths send us to places we never intended to be.  If we take that grand goal of life purpose and break it down into the simple concept of “what is important to us,” we can then march toward our life purpose consistently, intentionally, and happily. 

The other benefit of looking at our life purpose as “what is important to us,” that it allows us to find constant reinforcement.  This allows us to ponder “importance” with every interaction, every conversation, every event and every breath we take.  For example, stop what you are doing right now.  Think about this: In the next hour “what is important to you?”  Really think about it!  Is what you doing now going to allow you to achieve what you deem most important?   Of course, I would say it is because we are learning how to move toward our life purpose and to embrace what we intend to do through doing what is most important to us. 

This blog is the first in a series talking about what life purpose means and the role that understanding what is important to you has in developing that purpose.  I would refer you to the following websites:  

www.fergussongroup.org  

www.achieveyourlifepurpose.com 

These web sites will help you continue the search but, in the meantime, take some time, quiet time, to ponder and write down what is important to you.  It doesn’t matter how big or small the issue may be, it is a starting place. 


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The Masks of Perception

When you have a conversation, do you ever wonder what the person to whom you’re speaking is thinking about? This is probably common in most conversations. When this happens, the course of the conversation changes based upon the perception of thoughts each one has of the other. These are the masks that we wear as we move through life. By wearing these masks, we are living in a world of perceptions.

In order to get to the reality of a conversation, we need to get to the cause of the perceptions, both from a sender’s and receivers’ perspective. It is a challenge of how clearly, we speak, or if we really listen. When you think about it, how much are we actually listening when we’re trying to determine exactly what the other person is saying? Life is so much about assumptions and how they play out. In fact, wars have been fought based upon assumptions, arguments occur based on perceptions, and, relationships are fractured based upon both.

In teaching communications between individuals, there are many filters we all go through in order to send our message. Additionally, these filters also work on the person who is attempting to receive the message. These filters are such things as gender, culture, age and many others. For example, when a “baby boomer” approaches a “millennial,” what is going through the thoughts of each? This is before a conversation has even started! We all have biases and prejudices that rise to the surface as we prepare to speak or listen. These issues many times are the ones that will create a disconnect in the conversation or, even worse, prevent a conversation from even happening. Again, this is even before any words have been spoken.
In business, communication can run into the same pitfalls. The issues may be lack of clarity, misunderstanding of the roles, lack of respect and speaking different languages just to name a few. When these issues are brought into play, the perception of the sender and receiver begins to waver off course. When this happens, it can be difficult to bring it back. Add to this, the issues we spoke to earlier, including age, gender, culture, etc. When you put all these together, it is a wonder that a message can be communicated at all. When you look of successful companies, you’ll notice a common theme about those organizations, includes clarity of purpose, mission and direction. How did they do that?

Before the masks of perception can be removed, a person must be disciplined enough to know how to prepare for each role of the activity of communication. Since senders are the drivers of the message, they must prepare to deliver it in a clear, unbiased manner. In the same manner, the receiver needs to take a deep breath and remove all the filters, so they can receive the message. Neither party needs to take long to go through this process. It only takes seconds to clear your mind of destructive filters. Key note: both individuals need to remember that we can learn something from everyone we encounter all the time. So, clear your mind, speak clearly and/or listen closely to gain knowledge in every conversation.

The masks that people wear are due to the perceptions they have regarding other people. These will determine what path the interaction will follow. If you want to have more meaningful conversations and gain more knowledge from the people with whom you interact, remove the masks.

When you do this, you’ll gain more respect and understanding from a person you talk to, as they will react to the value you show them by demonstrating sincere interest. In the end, the breadth of knowledge that you’ll gain will make that encounter incredibly special.

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Filling the Void

Throughout my travels I am constantly holding workshops, and when I do, I like to open with a brief introduction of each person, so I can learn, number one, what their name is, and number two, what their dreams or goals are. This gives me some information about the person. It tells me if they’ve thought about goals at all, it tells me if they were raised in a positive or negative environment, and it tells me if they are headed in a certain direction. It’s an eye-opening experience for me as a person doing the workshop.  

Sometimes it’s generational and sometimes not, as far as people having dreams, whether they believe they’re possible to attain, and how dreams and goals may or may not fit into their life plan. When I ask the question, I would say that many young people, and I’m using “young people” in a millennial sense, will say they don’t really have any dreams or goals.  

My next question to them is, “When you go home at night, what do you enjoy doing?” Many times, their answer is, “I go home and plan video games.” That’s it. There’s nothing beyond that. To me that is an expected answer and a disappointing and saddening answer because it means they believe on some level that they are unaware of their possibilities or abilities going forward, and that, to me, is a void that needs to be filled. This void is why many people never get ahead and sometimes there is a misunderstanding of what a dream or a goal is. Sometimes when you are going to a class or workshop on setting goals, they talk about all the different techniques of writing it down and setting a time frame, which I completely agree with, but on a more emotional level the act of simply thinking about, on a regular basis, what you want to do or accomplish can spur action if there are other factors involved. For example, I may not write down an action or goal of I want to quit smoking and the steps I’m going to take, but each time I think about quitting smoking, it plants a seed and it triggers something. For me personally, when I did quit smoking, it wasn’t a set of goals or steps, it was a sort of switch that was flipped in my head, and after the multiple attempts I had made to quit, this one took. It was just as though a switch turned off and I no longer had the urge to smoke. Now, that doesn’t mean that setting goals, writing them down and putting steps to them isn’t a valid way of achieving what you want in life. What I’m saying is that if your mind set is such that you are always thinking about the possibilities and where you want to go and what you want to do, you have that as a stimulus in your brain, that at some point is going to be activated.  

Something else that often disappoints me in my workshops is the response I receive when I ask participants, “Why don’t you have any dreams or goals?” I hear answers such as, “I’m just not smart” or “I never finished school” and I just want to grab my head in frustration because what all these people are doing is putting limitations on themselves. One person who told me this, I had spoken to during the workshop and knew that he was a bright individual and had some great ideas. To hear this was extremely disappointing because I knew it just wasn’t true, but somewhere in his past experience he had been told or convinced that he wasn’t smart. The fact of the matter was that he was one of the individuals who indicated that he played video games when he got home. I asked him why he didn’t start dreaming about something and he responded that he knew he should and that sometimes he thinks about it, but he just doesn’t take it any further than thinking about it.  

The last thought about filling a void – action. There is something to be said about doing anything at all. It doesn’t matter what it is but simply taking some type of action to begin realizing your dreams and goals. I recommended to this young man that he take fifteen minutes before he begins playing a video game and do something that will drive him toward an action, which will in turn get him closer to his dream or goal. He thought it was a great idea. The next thing we must do to help someone fill that void is to bring out what the dreams or goals are. What are the desires you have that you would like to see realized in your life? That’s what this is all about.  

I want to encourage everyone to take the time to sit quietly and think about where you are and where you could be. Do this on a regular basis. Come to a workshop called “Purpose” and follow that with our workshop on “Goals” if you want to act toward those dreams. This is called “filling the void.” 

www.fergussongroup.org

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Reality Exposed

Whether it be in business or life, we always run into situations that call for a decision. Whether we know it or not, we’re always making this decision based upon our knowledge, our experience, or our awareness around us. That decision is whether to be in the real world or be in a made-up world.

This may sound a little funny but what this is referring to is how we may appear, communicate or interact depending upon the situation. In other words, are we going to be completely truthful in the situation, are we going to be our natural self when we are involved in some way with another individual. Everyday we’re making those decisions. Every conversation means we are taking stock of the situation and responding in some way. Let me give you an example – let’s say you are preparing to ask someone to go to dinner and you perceive the person as an extrovert and you are not quite an extrovert but not a true introvert. In your judgment of the situation means you need to be very gregarious, outgoing and enthusiastic about the asking. Therefore, you are going a bit outside your normal personality. Now this is a very simple situation, but it does reflect how we tweak our realities based upon the perceptions we have of the situation or issue.

In other words, we want to try to establish our own reality in that situation and sometimes it means we must alter our own initial reality to get where we want to go or to receive what we want to receive. If you think about your own situations, how do you think different issues correlate to this? It is something we all run into from time to time, but it’s daily, if not hourly, that this situation happens because when you think about it, each time someone enters your space, they are changing your reality to a certain degree and you are changing your reality to a certain degree to adjust to whatever the issue may be.

It is said you should be true to your nature, but we can’t always do that because staying true to your nature means no one impacts you, no one changes the way you see things, so the way you see things is the way it is at that time. Is every reaction you have exactly who you are? Not necessarily. People change us just as much as we change them. What we need to be aware of is how much someone is changing our reality or how much we’re changing our reality for them.

Another example is if you look at business relationships such as boss to employee.  An employee is always trying to be the perfect subordinate even when that is not necessarily their nature or their reality. I’m not saying they should be a bad employee, I’m just saying they are not being themselves. When they are not being themselves and just saying what the boss wants to hear they are creating a perception that may not be reality.  We have to be aware of ourselves and who we are, and, unless we are aware of the nature of the person we are talking to, we can’t help but change some realities.  We have to make the choice of who we are  going to be and the frustration for many comes when they look back and realize, “that was not who I am”.

If we want to be as consistent as possible, we must know who we are and what we want and need to have a philosophy of life that initiates a nature that is easy to project. What that means is, if you have a philosophy of life that says, “seek happiness in everything you do,” then your projection reflects that attitude.

Typically, what you give is what you will receive. If you are consistent in what you project, then what you receive is going to be will be in like manner.  If you are always smiling at people, I would be willing to bet that you are constantly receiving smiles in return.
The bottom line is, know who you are, know what you want, know how to give, know your philosophy of life and understand as much as you can the nature of other people. Joy is found in drawing people into the reality of happiness and contentment.

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