Category: Self Help

An issue that will help a person possibly define who that are and where they need to go.

Reality Exposed

Whether it be in business or life, we always run into situations that call for a decision. Whether we know it or not, we’re always making this decision based upon our knowledge, our experience, or our awareness around us. That decision is whether to be in the real world or be in a made-up world.

This may sound a little funny but what this is referring to is how we may appear, communicate or interact depending upon the situation. In other words, are we going to be completely truthful in the situation, are we going to be our natural self when we are involved in some way with another individual. Everyday we’re making those decisions. Every conversation means we are taking stock of the situation and responding in some way. Let me give you an example – let’s say you are preparing to ask someone to go to dinner and you perceive the person as an extrovert and you are not quite an extrovert but not a true introvert. In your judgment of the situation means you need to be very gregarious, outgoing and enthusiastic about the asking. Therefore, you are going a bit outside your normal personality. Now this is a very simple situation, but it does reflect how we tweak our realities based upon the perceptions we have of the situation or issue.

In other words, we want to try to establish our own reality in that situation and sometimes it means we must alter our own initial reality to get where we want to go or to receive what we want to receive. If you think about your own situations, how do you think different issues correlate to this? It is something we all run into from time to time, but it’s daily, if not hourly, that this situation happens because when you think about it, each time someone enters your space, they are changing your reality to a certain degree and you are changing your reality to a certain degree to adjust to whatever the issue may be.

It is said you should be true to your nature, but we can’t always do that because staying true to your nature means no one impacts you, no one changes the way you see things, so the way you see things is the way it is at that time. Is every reaction you have exactly who you are? Not necessarily. People change us just as much as we change them. What we need to be aware of is how much someone is changing our reality or how much we’re changing our reality for them.

Another example is if you look at business relationships such as boss to employee.  An employee is always trying to be the perfect subordinate even when that is not necessarily their nature or their reality. I’m not saying they should be a bad employee, I’m just saying they are not being themselves. When they are not being themselves and just saying what the boss wants to hear they are creating a perception that may not be reality.  We have to be aware of ourselves and who we are, and, unless we are aware of the nature of the person we are talking to, we can’t help but change some realities.  We have to make the choice of who we are  going to be and the frustration for many comes when they look back and realize, “that was not who I am”.

If we want to be as consistent as possible, we must know who we are and what we want and need to have a philosophy of life that initiates a nature that is easy to project. What that means is, if you have a philosophy of life that says, “seek happiness in everything you do,” then your projection reflects that attitude.

Typically, what you give is what you will receive. If you are consistent in what you project, then what you receive is going to be will be in like manner.  If you are always smiling at people, I would be willing to bet that you are constantly receiving smiles in return.
The bottom line is, know who you are, know what you want, know how to give, know your philosophy of life and understand as much as you can the nature of other people. Joy is found in drawing people into the reality of happiness and contentment.

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Dreams to Reality

In the vast area we call imagination it is incredible to think of what goes on there and what triggers the thoughts we have about our life and about our future. It is a wondrous thing to know that we can imagine anything we want in life and the only restraint we have is our own parameters or borders we place on ourselves. In other words, the entire space around us is our oyster.

We can do anything we want in our imagination and it is intriguing to think that we can work with people who lack imagination, at least initially. It is when the doors open in their mind, in their attitude, in their view of things, that they can realize there is so much more that could be theirs or could be their future.

When this is all being put together and developed, how do you take that imagination, develop that into what is called dreams and then turn that into reality? I think that much like the imagination itself, creating a reality can be just as difficult because of the parameters or borders we put on ourselves. As a racehorse going down the track with blinders on, sometimes that is the way we view our life and we are not open to what could be. So again, how do we turn dreams into reality?

Everything having to do with our mind and our attitude begins in our head. It is what is between the ears that is creating the will or the ability to move from dream to reality and sometimes the defining factors that will or will not move that dream to reality is a simple thing called fear. What happens if my dream actually comes true? How will I handle it? We must be willing to go out on a ledge and acknowledge the fact that what we imagined is coming true and then celebrate it, be joyful for it, feel gratitude. These are all the components that not only help you realize dreams, but help you appreciate them and dream more.

I think one of the things that folks don’t do is that they don’t dream big enough. They look at their current situation and decide that it is about as good as it will get. They don’t realize that our capacity for more is huge. We need to take that fear and turn it around. We need to understand that fear is just one of the components that we are always going to be running into. To turn dreams into reality you must first have the self-talk that says, “I can do it” and secondly, that the self-talk is saying “It’s coming to me, it’s being provided for me.” You also must have the self-talk that says, “I want to do this.” This is critical. Many people think of things but there isn’t much want to.

It is a matter of “I’m comfortable the way I am, so why should I grab more even though it is a dream of mine?” Once we have overcome the fear, once we realize that we have the want to, we must have the action. Dreams remain only dreams until action is put to them. When action is put to dreams, you have reality, and just imagine the reality of achieving a dream. It is something that we all want in our lives. We start out in life with high hopes, aspirations, goals, and yes, big dreams, but throughout the course of each segment of our life, we lose a component of that dream. We lose a segment that may be critical to moving it into reality. There comes a point, and maybe the point is right here reading this article, that you remove the fear, that you convince yourself of the want to, and you take action.

That last one, taking action, doesn’t have to be as difficult as it sounds. Sometimes people wait until all the pieces are in place before action is taken and sometimes people interpret action as being a huge project. Sometimes the smallest steps are the beginning to realizing a dream, so I say to you, take some time, look in a mirror and ask yourself “What are my dreams?” Take those first steps.

If you need guidance, accountability or just a mentor, click on the link below.

www.craigfergusson.com – Mini Workshops: “Purpose” & “Goal”

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The Brilliance of Life

In 1966 I had a profound experience that has remained with me throughout my life. I was fourteen years old at the time and, to my knowledge, I was off to an adventure that would be something different than I had ever known. Different in the fact that I had never been away from home that much and even though this was probably less than thirty miles away, it was still away from home and I was on my own. It was at Camp Sambica (I still remember the name) that we talked about dedicating our life to Christ, and I remember that for a while the thoughts were in one ear and out the other, until we had a campfire and expressed our commitments. Something powerful happened and my reality changed. I don’t know how to explain it; it was just that I knew I was on the right path and I had something to believe in. Although I had been going to church my entire life, all fourteen years of it, it never really impacted me as it did on that particular night.

The reason I bring this up is because our reality is shaped in so many different ways and my commitment at that point took many hits over the years as far as temptations and straying, but the basis for following a carpenter from 2000 years ago has always struck me as being something that was rather odd and why it was that one man would have such an effect.

As the years passed, I realized that the teachings of two things, love and learning, were the core of why I believed and why I followed. I have tried to take those core beliefs and apply them to other religions and find the love and learning there. Doing this has helped me understand the goodness of each one, and in finding that goodness, came tolerance and acceptance. It is interesting to go back and see, in a moment’s flash, the effect of a change of reality and what it can have on an entire life. Many people ask questions about different aspects of faith or religion, “what happens if”, “how can you justify this to that”.  I do not believe that it is my place to justify. My place is to accept what I believe, be true to my reality and try to have a perspective that is open to all. I do try to rationalize the different comments and how they apply to different social constructs and the events that occur within our world that seem to make no sense.

In every area of life there are events or occurrences that make no sense depending upon what your belief structure is or how you view life. If you view life as a struggle and as something that you are put here to simply get through, it is difficult to see the brilliance of life; however, if you look at it as a wondrous thing, for the time we are here, it should be a joy. In every situation, depending upon your faith and beliefs, you have the ability to see the joy or the happy outcome of whatever that situation might be.

We can look at all the world’s events and try to make sense of what is going on, but in the end, it comes down to each individual’s belief and how that impacts the overall global reality. If you have an attitude of love and learning, everything you look at or try to make sense of, you see as a learning experience, and, as in a previous blog, you really see what is going on, what went on, and what precluded the events that are happening.

I know personally that, many times, I wish I could have more of an impact on some of the events that precluded the actual occurrence. For now, I believe it is a matter of understanding who we are, and I allude to this in my workshop, that our purpose boils down to what is important to us. What is important to us isn’t necessarily global such as world peace but maybe is as simple as helping to guide our child to the next level in life and find happiness.  Or, doing what we can to assist our parents in having an old age that is full of contentment. In other words, our purpose in this life can be glorious, global and extravagant, or it can be simple, yet rewarding, depending upon what is important to us.

My advice to all is to find your brilliance in life by seeking the small as well as the large, truly loving, seeing and having an impact.  Your happiness will result in the learning and joy in the experience.

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Keeping a Broad Perspective

We all go through life, most of us with the best intentions, of what we want to do, who we want to be and where we want to go. Many times, we are offered different roads to take in order  to achieve those ends. What we determine those roads to be will give us the result that leads us to the next path.

As a child, we have a certain aspiration as to what we want our vocation to be, whether it be a fireman, a doctor, a lawyer, etc.. Children have these ideas in their minds and somewhere along the line they either become a reality or a different path is chosen, and that initial goal is never realized. Just think if everything we were able to dream were to come true. What would that look like and how would that manifest itself?

What so often happens is we lose our way. That is, we take paths that are not in line with what we intended to do. Sometimes we do this by choice and sometimes it is just a function of life events, so we need to be aware and open to all possibilities; hence, keeping a broad perspective. By doing so, we don’t let things slip by. We keep our eyes open to the dangers of a certain path or a decision that may not be in alignment with our intentions.

It is often said that it is a difficult road to try to find one’s life purpose, but that is because the road to finding one’s life purpose has so many paths that may be followed and the danger of taking one particular path and focusing on that path is that you lose perspective. You lose the ability to be open to all the possibilities. What is boils down to at times is, are we actually seeing what is before us? So often we go through life in a very superficial manner and we don’t see the truth, the value or the reality around us that is telling us what road we should be taking.

It is so important to dig deep and be a student of seeing the truth. When you do this, a whole array of possibilities springs up and your choices become much broader. If you have developed the art of seeing behind the screen, behind the shadows, those possibilities guide you into alignment with your purpose or your intention.

A favorite topic in business is “active listening.” This is nothing more than not being a superficial listener, but being present in the conversation and determining not only what is being said but who is saying it and what they mean. You have these separate components that come together – active listening and “deep seeing.” It is a combination that takes considerable practice. There are not many great listeners in the world nor are there many great “deep see-ers.” It is not a fault of anybody.  It is not how we were taught to see a person or to listen to a person, but when you do become present in the conversation your perspective broadens. Your possibilities become endless and you find a whole new world opening up to you.

“Look for the depth of a person’s intention.  It is only then you will                                                                     truly see.”                                                    

Craig Fergusson –January 5, 2018

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The Power and Perception of a Smile

A certain smile is the only thing that a person needs to change an interaction with another person. Sometimes a smile is the hardest thing to develop or to form when things aren’t going so well, but it really is one of the biggest skills that anyone can have. For example, watch people walking down the street. It doesn’t matter where you are, what area of the country, or what area of the city. What does matter is how are people doing? How are they looking? Are they looking? Are they smiling? Do they look you in the eye? The funny thing is that when someone looks at you with a smile on their face, what you will glean from their eyes is a positive, glowing look that gives you a sense of peace and appreciation for that person. Now, having said that, a smile cannot be insincere. You can’t just smile because you think that’s the thing to do, that it will make everything OK. In reality, it may make everything OK but it’s not the thing we’re used to.

We are used to judging people as we approach them. We are used to going through various filters to determine where that person is coming from, where they’ve been, what they’re thinking, or maybe how they’re going to respond to what we have to say. We have all these filters we go through and then we decide if we’re going to smile or not. Imagine if we had led with a smile.

Another area that many people struggle with is conflict resolution. No one likes to be in a conflict. People who say they do have an altered sense of self-worth or self-esteem. Conflict for conflict’s sake is like projecting an argument on someone. So we need to determine if we actually want to argue with someone. Is that the best way to communicate? Or do we need to step back, listen, smile at the person and try to understand where they’re coming from. If we do this, much of the conflict disappears. In customer service, when a customer has an objection or an argument about their service, what is the best way to resolve that? The first thing is, how is your body language when receiving that input? If you appear as if you’re prepared to go into an argument, it could be an unpleasant conversation. However, if you smile, ask how you can help them and ask what the situation is, then you simply be quiet and listen. You listen and then you listen more.

People like to get what is on their minds off their minds.  Being a willing, pleasant, positive listener resolves seventy-five percent of the conflict in a situation. You can apply this approach to many different conversations and situations. It is said that smiling requires many muscles to accomplish, many more than frowning, but like everything else we talk about in this blog, it’s all about your attitude. It takes very few conscious muscles to smile when that’s part of who you are; that you just break into a smile when you see someone, with the aim of making whatever that relationship is, a better one. The reality is, isn’t that what we really want to do? If I were to give anyone advice as to how to make an impression in someone’s life, it would be that with every person you come into contact with, whether it is verbally, with body language, whatever form, smile at them and listen. Smile and listen. I guarantee that those two components will create a relationship that is rewarding, informative, and will become more personal than any other relationship has ever been for you. Now when I’m talking about relationships, I’m not necessarily talking about personal relationships; I’m talking about any interaction with a person. People love to have interaction with others who will show them value and value is expressed by a willingness to listen and a willingness to inspire.

Sometimes you can include both those words, listen and inspire, into one phrase and make that part of who you are. What’s the most important thing to you? Is it to tell another person everything about yourself, all that you know, all you are worth, or is it to listen to that person? I guarantee that if you listen to someone else, you will become a better person, you will gain more knowledge, and you may experience something that you never would have expected. Expectations can be some of the most wonderful things that can happen and that’s what we need to look for. The bottom line is that it all started with a smile.

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Define Your Reality

Sometimes we are put into a situation where we have to make a determination of our reality. For the most part, that determination will be defined by our attitude at that particular time.  The context is framed around what our perception is of our current reality and how we want to develop our new reality.  We don’t think about this process very much but if we did it would be possible to change certain realities by changing our attitude about the situation.

Circumstances take on all different forms.  Our reality can be a function of our perception of those circumstances.

Let me give you a couple of examples.  You want to become a supervisor on the next level.  This is a worthy objective of many people but we are held back by our attitude of lack of discipline, lack of readiness or lack of willingness, but each of those “lack of’s” is creating an attitude that will derail the desire to become the next supervisor.  Therefore, in looking at development, growth and success opportunities, it is our attitude going into that situation that determines if the plan will or will not work out.

Another example might be that you want to buy a car.  Simple thing, right?  But, what is the attitude going into it?  If you don’t focus on not having enough money; it is out of my price range; or, it is not enough car for my needs, you are creating an attitude of doubt rather than focusing on the plan to achieve your goal.  All of your thoughts are shaping what your attitude is going to be.

Sometimes we have to determine how are we going to create a more focused perspective.  To define exactly what you want or desire, you need to have a more focused perspective.  This focused perspective in conjunction with plan will change your attitude.  The dream will becomes more focused and clear.

For example, in the supervior example, you are not going to let anything derail the perspective you have created.  You have determined the steps you are going to take and you are going to charge ahead.  If I let other factors seep into my consciousness or my sub-conscious, then those are derailing factors.  These hold me back from what I really want to do.  In the car example, I AM going to buy this car!  I have done my research  and I know this is what I want and will attract.  Every objection has been put to rest and know now I am going to head directly to my target.

Lastly, in defining reality, it is  what we make it.  Reality is framed by the perspectives we allow into our consciousness.  If we allow more and more into our consciousness, our reality can shift from perspective to perspective.  But, it is the focus that maintains the reality of what we dream and desire.

To learn more, click on this link:

http://www.achieveyourlifepurpose.com

Thoughts Trigger Perception but Define Reality

We go through life with all sorts of external issues defining who people think we are.  Growing up, I was very introverted but rarely get defined that way today; then, in my twenties I “blossomed” into a “me first” type of person.  It is funny how getting married and having kids can change all that.

I look back now and can’t remember a time when I actually thought about how my thoughts were defining me.  I seemed to be reacting to everything and everyone around me.  Do you ever have to assume a role to make sure people view you the way you want?  Let me explain.  I always want people to see me as a confident, professional and knowledgeable speaker.  The problem is, my thoughts don’t always synch with my action.

What this means to me is that I “assume” I don’t have the confidence, professionalism or knowledge that I want to exude but I know that my actions are going to give the impression  that I do.  So, the question is, since my thoughts are creating an external perception, aren’t they also creating a new reality in me?

Think about your own situation.  Who are you and who are you perceived to be?  Your thoughts can take various roads in defining who you are going to be.  Are you really the life of the party or is that a role you play?   Understand that, if you create this perception, people may assume this is who you are.

All of this comes down to knowing who you are and/or who you want to be.  I prefer to think of myself as reserved, private, kind, understanding, a good listener, etc.  So, when I go into situations that may deviate from those qualities, I have to consciously think about I should stay the course or assume a “role.”

Just understand that your thoughts define you, accurately or not!

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