For many people, asking for something is something they think they’re empowered to do, no matter what it is. For other people, it is very hard to “ask” for something. The important thing to remember is that the environment and context of the “ask” needs to be appropriate. In other words, if you’ve wronged someone, or that person is in a bad state, it’s probably not a good time to “ask” for anything. The second thing is that one should have an attitude of gratitude for what they currently have before they go into the process of asking for something else or something more. The process of asking is to take these things into consideration and then make sure that the person you’re dealing with has the right frame of mind and is receptive to what you may be asking for. It doesn’t matter what the “ask” is, if it’s reasonable and in some way benefits the person, you’re asking it from. A person always wants to have some kind of benefit in every interaction, and it doesn’t have to be big. It does have to have meaning for the other person. In other words, it may be simple as the benefit of being simply a smile that makes the other person’s day. Their relationship gets better with you because they are so happy that they were able to help you out. That’s a win-win situation. They have a good attitude, and you receive what you wanted in the first place.
The Bible says in Matthew 7: 7-8.: “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Everyone that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth.”
For Christians, this means that God grants desires on a regular basis. The important thing to remember though, is that God works as in His own time frame, and that time frame may not be the same as yours. The important thing to understand and to be conscious of is patience. Patience is the missing category sometimes of people’s “ask” because when they feel like they “ask” something, they should receive it right now, but that may not be God’s plan. Everything you need to remember about spiritual or biblical asking is that it be done in the context of praising God. He wants to know that what you’re asking for is consistent with his plan for you because He has a plan. And that’s why, as stated in the previous sentence, you need to have patience because what you’re asking may not be immediately in God’s plan. So be patient. And pray that God will understand what you’re asking for, then you will have much more confidence in making the “ask”.
Asking For Favor from a Friend.
Asking for a favor from a friend is a dangerous step. Your whole relationship is at risk if not done properly. This also includes preparation. Preparation as to why you are making the “ask”, what is the amount of the “ask”, is there going to be a payback, what is the payback, and can you afford that? Does it benefit you and the person granting the “ask”? The second thing is the person you’re asking. What is their context? Are they able to do this considering their life challenges. Do they have an interest in doing this that will benefit them? Either emotionally, financially or whatever. These are the types of things you need to have answers for and decide before you proceed with the “ask”. The important thing to remember is that a friend is probably special to you. And you don’t want to jeopardize that relationship.
Asking a Stranger.
Asking a stranger can be different because you don’t know who the person is necessarily. This person may be a bank officer or a car dealer or something like that. We need to still take the same steps, although it’s very hard to know the context of the person from whom you’re making the “ask”. The other criteria still take effect as far as doing preparation and preparing for the “ask”.
Forgiveness is a deep principle in all relationships. A relationship is defined by trust and honesty. The relationship between two people goes as far as good communication will take it. If it’s with a relative, it’s critical that you are humbled by whatever is going on. If you’ve wronged someone, step in and “ask” for forgiveness. This can be very difficult; you may not think that it’s such a big deal but it’s amazing how things can affect people in different ways and there’s no risk in asking for forgiveness for anything from anyone. Some people think of this as being weak, but if you think about it, it’s a strength because it means that you are taking the high-road and correcting something that may have been targeting your relationship that doesn’t need to be there. Asking for forgiveness takes many different forms and you need to be prepared to be able to step up to the act of forgiveness.
One of the hardest things for people is to walk into their boss and to “ask” for a raise. Again, referring to the previous conversation, a person needs to make sure that the context and environment are appropriate. It’s not appropriate if your boss has just come out of a very hard conversation with someone else, or they are stressed out, or there is some other factor that is causing them stress. People will surely want to help. They will listen to what you have to say. They have a relaxed atmosphere and feel good about the person they’re talking to. The other thing you need to remember is that you need to make sure your “ask” is valid. You need to have some preparation done. In other words, why are you asking for the raise?. What is the amount? And how do you justify it? These things must be taken into consideration so your boss can determine what they feel is appropriate. The other thing to also remember is that many times your boss is working under certain circumstances, a budget or whatever. If you know what that budget is, you will have a good chance of being successful. What you’re asking will be much more relevant because it will fit into that parameter. The last thing that you need to remember is that the process of asking for a raise can be very intimidating and that’s why many people don’t do it because they just don’t want to go through with the stress or interaction of doing it. You need to remember that asking for a raise is just a moment in time. Within a few minutes, that moment in time will be very brief. If you’ve done it right, whether you get a yes or a no, it will be a worthwhile process.
This last “ask” is sometimes the hardest because you are not dealing necessarily with something tangible. What it means is you may be looking at something that is psychological or mental that may be embarrassing to talk about. This “ask” is probably the most important because we all keep ourselves hidden behind a shell and that shell can be okay most of the time. But when it’s not, it’s time to come out. Sometimes asking for help in these circumstances is taking a risk but it also takes real courage. Things like addiction, dependence and the like can be cured and you need to be aware of that. So, take the time to look inside and see what you can do about taking care of that issue by garnering the courage to approach someone to seek help. It may be the most important thing you do in your life.
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