Author: awquest@hotmail.com

How To “Ask” for Anything

For many people, asking for something is something they think they’re empowered to do, no matter what it is. For other people, it is very hard to “ask” for something. The important thing to remember is that the environment and context of the “ask” needs to be appropriate. In other words, if you’ve wronged someone, or that person is in a bad state, it’s probably not a good time to “ask” for anything. The second thing is that one should have an attitude of gratitude for what they currently have before they go into the process of asking for something else or something more. The process of asking is to take these things into consideration and then make sure that the person you’re dealing with has the right frame of mind and is receptive to what you may be asking for. It doesn’t matter what the “ask” is, if it’s reasonable and in some way benefits the person, you’re asking it from. A person always wants to have some kind of benefit in every interaction, and it doesn’t have to be big. It does have to have meaning for the other person. In other words, it may be simple as the benefit of being simply a smile that makes the other person’s day. Their relationship gets better with you because they are so happy that they were able to help you out. That’s a win-win situation. They have a good attitude, and you receive what you wanted in the first place.

The Bible says in Matthew 7: 7-8.: “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Everyone that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth.”

For Christians, this means that God grants desires on a regular basis. The important thing to remember though, is that God works as in His own time frame, and that time frame may not be the same as yours. The important thing to understand and to be conscious of is patience. Patience is the missing category sometimes of people’s “ask” because when they feel like they “ask” something, they should receive it right now, but that may not be God’s plan. Everything you need to remember about spiritual or biblical asking is that it be done in the context of praising God. He wants to know that what you’re asking for is consistent with his plan for you because He has a plan. And that’s why, as stated in the previous sentence, you need to have patience because what you’re asking may not be immediately in God’s plan. So be patient. And pray that God will understand what you’re asking for, then you will have much more confidence in making the “ask”.

Asking For Favor from a Friend.

Asking for a favor from a friend is a dangerous step. Your whole relationship is at risk if not done properly. This also includes preparation. Preparation as to why you are making the “ask”, what is the amount of the “ask”, is there going to be a payback, what is the payback, and can you afford that? Does it benefit you and the person granting the “ask”? The second thing is the person you’re asking. What is their context? Are they able to do this considering their life challenges. Do they have an interest in doing this that will benefit them? Either emotionally, financially or whatever. These are the types of things you need to have answers for and decide before you proceed with the “ask”. The important thing to remember is that a friend is probably special to you. And you don’t want to jeopardize that relationship.

Asking a Stranger.

Asking a stranger can be different because you don’t know who the person is necessarily. This person may be a bank officer or a car dealer or something like that. We need to still take the same steps, although it’s very hard to know the context of the person from whom you’re making the “ask”. The other criteria still take effect as far as doing preparation and preparing for the “ask”.

Asking for Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a deep principle in all relationships. A relationship is defined by trust and honesty. The relationship between two people goes as far as good communication will take it. If it’s with a relative, it’s critical that you are humbled by whatever is going on. If you’ve wronged someone, step in and “ask” for forgiveness. This can be very difficult; you may not think that it’s such a big deal but it’s amazing how things can affect people in different ways and there’s no risk in asking for forgiveness for anything from anyone. Some people think of this as being weak, but if you think about it, it’s a strength because it means that you are taking the high-road and correcting something that may have been targeting your relationship that doesn’t need to be there. Asking for forgiveness takes many different forms and you need to be prepared to be able to step up to the act of forgiveness.

Asking for a Raise.

One of the hardest things for people is to walk into their boss and to “ask” for a raise. Again, referring to the previous conversation, a person needs to make sure that the context and environment are appropriate. It’s not appropriate if your boss has just come out of a very hard conversation with someone else, or they are stressed out, or there is some other factor that is causing them stress. People will surely want to help. They will listen to what you have to say. They have a relaxed atmosphere and feel good about the person they’re talking to. The other thing you need to remember is that you need to make sure your “ask” is valid. You need to have some preparation done. In other words, why are you asking for the raise?. What is the amount? And how do you justify it? These things must be taken into consideration so your boss can determine what they feel is appropriate. The other thing to also remember is that many times your boss is working under certain circumstances, a budget or whatever. If you know what that budget is, you will have a good chance of being successful. What you’re asking will be much more relevant because it will fit into that parameter. The last thing that you need to remember is that the process of asking for a raise can be very intimidating and that’s why many people don’t do it because they just don’t want to go through with the stress or interaction of doing it. You need to remember that asking for a raise is just a moment in time. Within a few minutes, that moment in time will be very brief. If you’ve done it right, whether you get a yes or a no, it will be a worthwhile process.

Ask for Help.

This last “ask” is sometimes the hardest because you are not dealing necessarily with something tangible. What it means is you may be looking at something that is psychological or mental that may be embarrassing to talk about. This “ask” is probably the most important because we all keep ourselves hidden behind a shell and that shell can be okay most of the time. But when it’s not, it’s time to come out. Sometimes asking for help in these circumstances is taking a risk but it also takes real courage. Things like addiction, dependence and the like can be cured and you need to be aware of that. So, take the time to look inside and see what you can do about taking care of that issue by garnering the courage to approach someone to seek help. It may be the most important thing you do in your life.

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Life in Need of Discovery

So often, we look at our lives and wonder why we are where we are and what got us in this place. It is the wonder that creates the anxiety that we feel because of not being where we think we should be. Why is this different in every individual? Trying to keep up with someone else or doing something that is not who we are will not get us where we need to go. The reality of life is that it is diverse and if we don’t embrace diversity then we miss out on hearing him when I speak of diversity, I’m talking about all our options. The ability to see things from a different perspective, the choices we have yet aren’t realizing.

How many times have you looked at your life and wondered why you are here? You may have thought I have no way out, I’m in a box that has no exit. When those feelings exist, a person can become stuck in a never-ending cycle and that cycle is down not up. If you feel like you’re in a box, look around and inspect that box, what is holding you in? What you see may surprise you because many times it is YOU. You may think it’s a person or situation but believe me, each of these can be changed. The question is, are you committed to changing these issues? I know many times we think there’s no way out but let me tell you there’s always a way out. The way out is discovery!

Being open to discovery is a choice. We make choices every single day. These choices come from other people, places, spiritual guides, and most importantly from our spirit. We can choose the option that works for us in any situation. The question is, are we listening to ourselves? We are always having advice pumped into our heads, but we don’t listen to most of it. What we need to do is to listen to our other voices and eliminate the barriers that are preventing them from getting through.

The barriers are basically what we put on ourselves. We need help with relationship barriers, financial barriers, geographical barriers, or any other type of barrier that creeps up and tells us we can’t do something. I want to tell you that you can make changes. Not tomorrow but today. If you’re reading this and you’re saying it to yourself, I can’t do it go find somebody that can help you do it. That person will possess a few key qualities. One, they are very positive; two, they will hold you accountable; they will listen and not judge. Do you know someone like that?

“A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.”  This is a quote from Francis Bacon. There are two ways to take this. One, a person needs to be creative in their discovery and be open to all opportunities. Two, a person must go through life with eyes wide open in search of the opportunities that present themselves. The journey to discovery can be fascinating and rewarding. Put your mind at ease and know that your treasure is waiting. 

If you feel like you need help or just another person to listen to, seek out The Fergusson Group and discover your Defining Moments. I will be the sounding board you may need to generate thoughts and life questions to start you on your journey.

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Cherish the Angels in Your Life

Please understand, your purpose is being conducted daily whether you understand it or not. Just by your actions, people see and respond to who you are and what you’re about. Now the key is to know yourself.

Life Challenges

We are born into this world with a purpose but not much direction. That will come with life experiences and education. We are not alone yet always striving to find a way to make it in a world that is confusing and contains multiple paths to find our way. In many ways, we do not realize the potential and impact we can make on others and the world. There are so many challenges that make the road to achievement much more difficult. These challenges sit squarely in front of us, sometimes apparent but many times come out of nowhere. The decisions we make in the face of these challenges will determine which path our lives will take.

The context of our life is always evolving, and we choose which way we will go depending upon those decisions. How we approach various challenges very often depends on to whom we listen. Those people may be very close to us or be distant. They may be people we have grown up with or people we pass on the sidewalk. The people who affect our lives can never be described accurately because every event that happens in our lives has an effect. It is the ability to be open to every event that is an indication of a possible message.

  • The little 5-year-old girl you passed in the grocery store. Did she remind you of your youth?
  • The 10-year-old boy smiled and said hello. Did he make you happy?
  • The middle-aged man sitting on the cold concrete. Did he show you how hard life can be?

Three examples of chance events. The meaning of each is something different for everyone. What would be your response to each?

Seeking Discovery or Chance

Are you looking for an Angel or just waiting for one to appear? If something you see or hear draws a reaction, then it is an Angel communicating with you. Taking a moment to relax and to understand the world around you are key.

Our circumstances in life very often will determine whether we are willing to accept help or to ignore certain levels of support. Much of this has to do with what we think of angels and what they represent in our life. If you are a spiritual person, everything your Angel represents can be determined from that perspective. That means whatever perspective you’re coming from, and from the religious aspect, can determine whether that Angel is good or bad. Many can remember movies or shows that depicted angels on our shoulders. One whispering in one ear, the other one whispering in the other ear.

How you determine which one you’re going to listen to often reflects the values of life you have. If you are inherently a good person and have a positive attitude, then the angel giving you the most positive advice will be the one you listen to. But if you are a negative person and vacillate between questionable decisions, your response may be more negative. You need to decide which one is going to be the one you listen to.

From the perspective of a regular person, typically that person will do whatever is rewarded for their personal gain. From a spiritual aspect, the person will do whatever is right from a win-win perspective. Whichever one you decide you are going to be it must be consistent.

The Angels Around Us

The angels in your life will take on many forms and shapes. They may be things or people that you recognize or situations that you just happen to have to deal with. Again, your perspective will come into play as to how you react to the help your Angel is trying to give you. I mentioned earlier that help from angels does not always take physical or verbal form. Many times, it is what we observe, but unfortunately for many of us, we don’t take the time to view what’s going on around us.

We need to be better observers of the situations around us. We need to understand who our guardian angels are and what their actions are indicating to us. We need to observe all kinds of acts and try to reflect on those in the situations we are placed in. It is only in observation, reflection, and follow through that we utilize the wonderful aspects of what our angels are trying to get across to us.

Therefore, your challenge is to recognize what every situation or action is trying to tell you. To be aware of the hidden meaning of actions around you. Listen carefully to what people are saying. Not only to you but to those around you. And understand also, your conversations have far-reaching implications because you are an Angel in somebody’s life. That conversation or comment you are making to them or to someone in the vicinity is going to have an impact on any given situation they’re currently in. My hope is that you will take time after reading this and jot down the different angels that are interacting with you at any given time. That you take time to quietly go for a walk and just observe everything going on around you. Do this in nature and do this at the mall. Different voices are calling to you in different ways and you may be amazed at what you discover.

Who your Guardian Angel is and what they do: 10 things you should know

This guide, courtesy of Attitude Reality, aims to equip you with effective strategies to navigate the discovery of “you”. Visit the Fergusson Group for more resources and direction.

Designed to Believe

The purpose of the Fergusson Group is to help people BELIEVE. That may seem like a very short and simple mission statement, but it is part of a very large plan to help all people with every aspect of their lives.

What does it mean to believe?  It means that we have utmost faith in whatever aspect of life we choose to have a belief in. There are basically two different types of belief. One of them is very simple. It is the belief that something is going to work based upon past performance. This function of belief is borne out by actual data which helps them to be consistently believed unless there is a change in the structure or system that created it. The second type of belief is one that occurs through faith. This means that there’s no data and faith is purely borne out through a commitment to the system or philosophy that has been presented. This can be extremely challenging; people can attack this from all sides. Let’s take a minute and look at these two types of belief.

Factual Belief

Factual belief is one that is borne out of history of success. For example, when you get in your car you know that it is going to start. You are confident that the car will start because it has done so 99 out of 100 times previously. You have the data, and you have the experience to know that this is the case. If, for some reason, the car does not start, this is an anomaly. It is something that will not shake our belief but rather can be chalked up to the fact that we missed something in the maintenance of our car. As I said initially, this form of belief is very easy, yet has a lot of continuity because of experience dealing with various situations. We call this a factual belief. This means that this belief system is backed up by countless examples of experience and trial and error. Whatever topic falls into this category, the system can be traced back to this solid history of experience. This means that if anyone were to challenge your belief, you could relate back to the experience and history of whatever that belief is and show by example why you believe this way.

Faith Belief

Faith belief is one that is constantly challenged. The reason this can be challenged so much is that there is little history or experience to back up why you believe this way. Many religions are formed around faith although there is some history or experience to the story of that religion. The continuing belief in faith is predicated on the unwavering belief that this system or religion has a basis in fact and is a contributor to overall success and happiness. Faith belief can take sides through many different examples and situations. Obviously, the faith in your religion and your belief is one of the most critical because they dictate how you view the world and how you react to the world. We also have different beliefs, for example faith in your mother and father. This faith is predicated on the experience you’ve had and the ongoing belief that whatever experience you had will continue throughout your life and therefore we can say that we love our mother and father because our faith is built upon a solid ground.

How your life is and how it’s going to be is most definitely reflected by whatever your belief system is. It is often thought that many scientists or intellectuals will only have a belief in something that can be proven, that they can see, feel it, touch it, or approve its existence through data. You must decide what your belief system is going to be. Your belief system will determine the direction of your thoughts, the direction of your life and how you will treat all those around you in the world. To live a life believing in something gives that life purpose. And if you have a purpose, you have a reason to get up in the morning. You have a reason to have an impact on whatever the day brings. So, it is important to understand that you need to realize what your belief system is and take the time to understand why you believe the way you do. For example, if you believe that people are inherently right or wrong you may have a very difficult time convincing someone, not only yourself, but other people, the true aspect of where somebody is coming from. A belief system that believes in the good of every person means that there is hope and that there needs to be some sort of consideration of why the good is not there and how to bring it back.

Self-Assessment

Now take a minute and ponder your belief systems in the following areas:

  • Your faith in a supreme being and the strength of that faith.
  • Your political opinion and the reasoning for it.
  • What do you believe about your work life or your retirement life.
  • Your family and how you are connected or not.
  • Your worldview and your position in it.
  • Your overall belief in yourself.

What did you find out about yourself? Is your belief system everything you thought it would be? What are some areas that you want to go back to and develop further?

Goal and Result

Hopefully, this will help you understand who you are and prepare you for achieving more toward your purpose and understanding where you might want to go. Please understand, your purpose is being conducted daily whether you understand it or not. Just by your actions, people see and respond to who you are and what you’re about. Now the key is to know yourself.

Belief — Be·lief 

  1. an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists: “his belief in the value of hard work”
  2. trust, faith, or confidence in someone or something: “a belief in democratic politics”

This guide, courtesy of Attitude Reality, aims to equip you with effective strategies to navigate the discovery of “you”. Visit the Fergusson Group for more resources and direction.

Unveiling The Secrets – How To Be Successful In Life 

Regardless of how old or young you are, what you do for a living or where you belong, everyone shares something in common, i.e. they want to be successful in life. But every person’s definition of being successful is different. While some may call success having a faithful spouse or being a responsible parent, others equate it with fame, power, and wealth.  

Before heading forward, define success and what it means to you. You cannot be successful if you don’t know what it means to you. Make your goals clear and try to be as realistic as possible.  

Plan ahead and plan big  
The next step in the journey toward success is to decide what you want to achieve in life and plan big for yourself. Never underestimate your worth or skills and plan accordingly.  

Learn how to balance life
After careful and wise planning, balance your life –  professional, financial, personal – very logically and practically.  

Find the purpose or goal of your life 
Know what affects you, the things you simply love to do, and what provides you utter satisfaction. As you identify what you like, you can use it to find the main goal of your life. Knowing what you love will bring you motivation along the course of your journey toward attaining success.  

Stay away from distractions  
Distractions can be the spice or forbidden fruit in your life, depending upon how you handle them, so be clear and focused on your goals. Distractions will surely be there but don’t allow them to affect you. When you see that your goals take a backseat because of such distractions, banish them once and for all. ` 

Accept things as they come 
You need to accept the fact that life can be very unfair. You can complain about it and wish it to be different or you can take a step forward to go out there and do something about it. Stop wasting your time and use situations for your own benefit. If Newton had complained about an apple falling and hitting him on his head, rather than putting a different spin on the situation, he would have never discovered the law of gravity.  

Say goodbye to all your fears  
Remove fear from your thinking and stay focused on positive things in life. When you fail, don’t be fearful, be positive and start again.  

Change The Mindset

Changing a mindset. It is not something to be taken lightly. It is something that we choose to do. And that’s the key. The key is we must choose to want to do something. I call it the “want to”. So often we talk to ourselves, and we say “well, I would like to do this, or I would like to do that”.  But true change comes in the form of a “want to”.

So, change can only happen with a change of mindset and how does a mindset happen? The mindset is something that is developed over time. That time can be short, or it can be long. In many cases, it is called a habit and developing habits can be very difficult.

At the beginning of each year, establish what we call resolutions. In other words, you say, “I am going to make a resolution to lose 30 pounds. But resolutions as we all know typically only lasts about three months at best so really the challenge is to make that resolution a lifelong habit.  If you do this then your mindset changes then the mindset changes your life. So really the challenge is to figure out how to develop triggers to get that mindset to change. Triggers don’t have to be hard. They are really connections to habits you already have. For example, if you brush your teeth every morning, that’s a habit. How about you attach it trigger to that so every time you brush your teeth you do something immediately afterwards?

Well, life is a combination triggers and habits. Developing and creating these are important to the development of how we want to live our lives. Sometimes we have created habits that damage our body and soul and sometimes getting rid of these damaged habits can be very difficult to do. But that’s what must be done and so really, it’s a matter of flipping the switch and creating a new mindset that counters the habit that has been created.

What is a bad habit? Drinking too much can be a habit that we have. Certainly, many times we drink because we just enjoy it. We also drink because we’re in a social situation and everybody else is partaking and/or we have peer pressure. But whatever the reason, if you have the “want to” to reduce or stop drinking then you must create triggers and habits that supports this action. In other words, one of the actions that need is to stay out of situations where this occurs. The second thing is having a plan so when the feeling for a drink comes up, we have a trigger that discourages that action. Again, remember the mindset is what it’s going to determine the course of this habit development or not. Remember, we are trying to eliminate a habit that has already been developed. So, before the next time you are thinking about having a drink, have a trigger to utilize. The trigger might be every time you reach for or begin to order that alcoholic beverage, make it water or make it anything other than an alcoholic beverage and the trigger is the reaching for or the process of ordering. If you become resolute about this action, every time you think about it, you are on the way to solidifying a new habit.

The key is being resolute, and the second key is having the “want to”. You won’t be scared or feeble about the attempt if you are resolute! This means you are firm in your conviction. If you are firm your conviction, you are going to do this and whatever your bad habit is, you will have the trigger that will change the bad habit to a good habit.  Just figure out a trigger much like we did earlier. This new trigger will become the answer to your “want to” and the start of the development of your new good positive habits. Let me know in the comments how this goes for you because the bottom line is we don’t want three-month resolutions we want a whole new life habit.  

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Resource:  Resource:  Breaking-the-Habit

Imagine a Society

Imagine a society where typical laws were replaced by laws of “please”, “thank you” and “I’m sorry”. In the new society, a person would have to use these in all appropriate situations.  If you take the time during the day and truly pay attention to how often these words are used, it might shock you.  If you look at the person who does receive this kind of attention, you see a glow that reflects the attention they just received.

If you were at the grocery store and someone helped you get a box off the shelf, would you say, “thank you”? If you needed that box, would you ask someone to “please” help you? If someone slipped on some water you spilled, would you say, “I’m sorry”?

There are so many situations during a day that these words can be used. It makes you wonder why they aren’t. Is it because people just don’t care or has society dismissed any civility? None of the words are hard to say and the impact that they can have on people is amazing.

The building block to society is communication. Having a peaceful society means you not only treat yourself well, but that you treat your neighbor well. These words have an effect of calming any discussion or interaction.

When you look someone in the eyes and genuinely say “thank you”, people feel appreciated, and a bond is created through eye contact. When you do the same with “please”, you show faith in your fellow man which generates respect. Lastly, when you genuinely say “I’m sorry” to someone, scars are healed, and relationships mended. Sometimes “I’m sorry” is not used because a person may think they will be perceived as weak. In truth, it shows a strength of communication that is vital.

A couple other laws that need to be enacted are “active listening” and “smiling”. Again, these actions shape the face of communication. If you’ve ever been in a situation where someone has a complaint, these two qualities are crucial. You resolve a complaint by allowing the person to discuss/explain their objection. During the dialogue, you’re smiling with intent to understand. Sometimes people just want to be heard and a grateful listener reduces the tension. What happens when they are finished? You say, “I’m sorry” and “thank you”! What a concept!

We have laws now concerning murder, domestic abuse, robbery, etc. These laws and their punishments are in place to try and decrease or eliminate the occurrences. We need to enact laws that encourage civil behavior such as someone not saying please, not using thank you, or not telling someone you’re sorry.

Imagine putting someone in jail for these offenses. It might look like this: “Sir, you are sentenced to a week in this grocery store to learn and demonstrate the norms of our society which include “please”, “thank you”, and “I’m sorry”. The unit around your wrist will record every time one of these is used. Please learn from this experience and thank you for your attention.”

This “incarceration” should be a learning experience that should have been developed since childhood.  Often, we are the product of our upbringing.  How your parents and/or peer group handled civility very often is the model you follow.  Be sure to be the model that genuinely enjoys interaction with others and delights in bringing a sincere smile to their face.

A civil society starts with civil communication. Imagine a society that is structured on respect and kindness.

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Why Am I Here?

This is a question we all ask at one time or another. The big mystery is why we are on this planet and what we were put here for. What was the grand plan from the creator?

When we look around, we can see that certain people have definite purposes and we always seem to be struggling with our purpose. Some people spend their whole life trying to discover their purpose while others understand it at a very young age. I don’t think it matters when you find your purpose. Sometimes the creator has put you here without you even knowing why, which is frustrating for the individual, but it is part of God’s plan.

Take for example someone who doesn’t understand their purpose yet is very positive and enthusiastic every day. As that person goes through their day, they are watched by others whether they know it or not. That modeling they’re doing of their positivity and enthusiasm is contagious and rubs off on others. That just may be the purpose of that person. Sometimes we think that our purpose must be huge, or it must be something that will change the world, which, when you think about it, what really changes the world? It could be one large thing but all too often it is small and could be just one thing.

What can change another person’s life? What activity or what action changes their life? Is it something large or something small? A small thing may be smiling at someone as you walk down the mall or down the street. It may be giving someone a dollar because that’s all they need and that’s all they want. But it’s something that can change both your lives because it’s not the act of giving a dollar, it’s the act of simply giving.

When you think about why you’re here, think about words such as caring, love, and gratitude. These are the words that resonate with people, but, as society keep exercising their material wants, use of these words seems to be forgotten. When a person’s life does not include these words or words such as “please”, “thank you”, or “I’m sorry”, they can be regarded as egotistical or self-serving. If a person makes these words and feelings part of who they are, people are more drawn to them, and respect becomes automatic. As a giver of the words, a person shows their true humanity. As a receiver, a sense of self-worth washes over the person and a bond is developed.

When you’re thinking about who you are and why you’re here, think about the people you interact with, pass, or see during the day. Are they paying attention only to themselves or are they interacting with others? Interacting means talking, looking in another’s eyes, smiling, caring, and loving. You can go almost anywhere and see such a lack of these qualities. They can be very disturbing because all these qualities are what breathes life into us and makes us who we are and encourages us to want to continue our journey in life no matter what it is. When you interact with these types of qualities you are turning people’s lives around. You are making them understand that someone does care about them, even if it’s only looking them in the eye with a smile on your face. That can be something that drives a person for the next minute, or next hour. Modeling these activities reflects the qualities that will confirm the reason of why you’re here.

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Developing Habits to Achieve a Goal

Have you ever had a New Year’s resolution to lose weight? Of course, you have; we all have. Whether it be a large amount of weight or just a few pounds, missing components in our plans are generally what derail our resolution.
Missing components are:
No plan
No “want to”
No trigger
No habits created

The Plan is the research that goes into how the weight will be lost. What will be the diet? What will each day’s activity look like? What exercises will be involved? What times will each of these occur?


A person who has no “want to” is someone who says to themselves, “I should lose weight” or “I want to lose ‘x’ number of pounds.”  A person who has the “want to” has a definitive mindset of “I am going to lose ‘x’ number of pounds” or “I am going to be down to ‘x’ by a certain date.” The “want to” is the establishment of a critical mental attitude that sets the mind on course.


A “trigger” is the key that unlocks the cause of why you are doing this. The trigger may be something like your doctor emphatically telling you to lose weight because of a serious health issue. Or it may be a decision you make regarding smoking that you need to quit because you don’t want to smoke around your children. Maybe they even said something about that habit. 
The trigger is very important as it is something that sits on your shoulder to remind you.


Lastly, habits are the routines that will help you stay on course. If you haven’t taken the time to think about and develop these habits, a routine will fall apart. This includes eliminating bad habits.  Habits are the automatic part of goal achievement and the part of the process that allows you to reach your goal. 

We all have many habits already, such as getting up in the morning, tying
our shoes, bathroom activities, eating meals and many others. We also may have many bad habits. The secret is to recognize the positive habits and the negative habits, then “tweak” them to make our goal(s) achievable. If we need to create a new habit, we can “attach” it to an already established good habit. For example, after I brush my teeth in the morning, I will do five push-ups. (Remember, you have to “want to” do the push-ups.) You can see that we “attached” the push-ups to the act of brushing our teeth.

A habit can be created for anything as long as it comprises a trigger, a “want to” and a reward.

Another key consideration in habit formation is the size of the habit. Sometimes trying to create a very large habit is very frustrating and if you lose the “want to,” you’ve lost the habit. Start small, very small. Maybe instead of doing five push ups after brushing your teeth, do two. The important thing to remember is to get the habit started and into your routine. I guarantee that as time goes by, the number of push ups will increase.

Take time to dwell on what you want and how you want to approach it. The chart will help you put your thoughts in order. Your “want to” will keep you on track and your reward(s) will help you look forward to the next event.

If you want to achieve goals on a more consistent basis, make habit creation (or deletion) a process that guides your journey.


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Imagine a World….

I am so excited to discuss a new series I will be doing that will address many of the thoughts people have about issues that seem to trigger emotions in us or make us stop and ponder the reality of things.

It is an interesting time both nationally and internationally and how we get through this really depends upon us. We all have beliefs and attitudes that dictate who we are. How we share those beliefs and attitudes can also determine how we are perceived by others.

The values we hold dear personally are the ones that usually come through in good times and bad. Sometimes when our values are fragile, we move outside of ourselves and become someone we do not recognize. It is times like this that we need to hold strong to what we believe and, if we are not sure what we believe, we work to learn and better understand what we want and need. We also need to learn to discern what others want and need and how we can help them in that journey.

The title of this new series is “Imagine A World.” You can see that the keyword here, Imagine, means we are using our value system, our beliefs, and attitudes to weave into our imagination. That imagination in the world would make certain strengths universal and be good for all mankind.

Have you ever thought about a world without hate? How about a world where the main priority was looking out for your neighbor? In this politically charged environment, what would happen if people found common ground, if people listened to understand rather than talk to accuse or challenge? Is the world a place where loving someone is considered weak? Is it a place where being concerned for someone is a weakness?

This is a portion of the topics or questions that the new series will address. This series will be posted on YouTube and I will be anxious to see the comments that are generated from ideas that some may consider controversial and others perhaps just nod in agreement. I fully expect to get both sides and to read and listen to the rationale of each.

This series idea was generated from various events in conversations that have been ongoing. Being a Life Coach and a Christian, I walk an interesting line with people who may have different views and values than I do. One of the missing links is that we have not taken the time to reflect on the opinions of others or to take a step back and to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. So often we take our opinion and one way or another impose it on others without knowing their circumstances, needs, or desires.

My hope is that this series triggers some thought individually and between other people and that the conversation generated from it becomes a powerful tool for positive action.

The series will be located on YouTube at:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOTYakAJR0aMRmoIE9Bygyg?view_as=subscriber

There will be a new segment every week. Please take time to comment and add your thoughts. This forum can be a valuable tool in strengthening personal experiences, relationships, and the building of a caring society.

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