It is hard to speak to people when you have grown up introverted and the thought of carrying on a conversation is not pleasant. It is important to keep to oneself so this doesn’t happen. Besides, there is nothing wrong with being in my own company. These thoughts are what used to go through my mind as a youngster and still do, at times.
My family was very supportive and open throughout my younger years. The home was a secure and happy place. I don’t know what caused me to be introverted. My brother and sister didn’t seem to have the same affliction. Sports was my activity of choice if I had to be out among people.
As I grew into my mid- to late teens, being introverted became more and more an issue. I’m not sure when but when I came to the realization that I had to come out of this in order to be “normal” and successful. This process was vital and I had to take steps to improve the situation.
The first thing I did was realize I had to change my perception of conversations up to this point, thoughts such as I don’t have anything to say, what I might say is not important, what if the person thinks it is stupid, I don’t want to do this. My self-talk around these thoughts had to change.
I had to learn that a conversation is between two or more people. The other person consciously or unconsciously is having the same thoughts as I am. Their behaviors, like mine, will be dictated by the responses they receive. For example, if I said the sky was blue and the other person thought it was red, doubt creeps in for them. Understanding that the other person was going through the same emotions boosted my self-confidence.
The next thing was to realize that the interaction is just a conversation. It is not an earth-shattering event or a world changing moment. I did not need to make so much of it and just express myself and move on.
Next, I decided to prepare for conversations by being someone else. This may seem a bit weird, but it worked. As I began or entered a conversation, I became someone whom I knew loved to talk, I kept this persona into the introduction and start of the conversation then reverted to myself. I wonder if the other person ever noticed the change of energy.
Another change was to learn to enjoy the conversation. Instead of dreading it, I was determined to try to learn something from each one. This caused me to listen better and to look forward to speaking to someone.
From a career perspective I knew I had to be able to speak. I never took any communication classes or public speaking in school but knew I had to change my behavior. I decided early in business to become an entry level trainer. This forced me to speak to people one-on-one and in groups. The key was that I knew the subject matter and they didn’t! This one concept served me well in my public speaking career.
In summary, all the points mentioned allowed me to break free of being an introvert. It is still buried deep down but has had its time. Learning to speak is all about self-confidence and knowing the environment around each conversation or presentation. That environment can be controlled by you to enable yourself to be confident and enjoy the moment. I can now totally choose which conversations to participate in rather than avoid all of them at any cost. Go forth and speak boldly!! 😊
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