Tag: Perception

Your World Is What You Think It Is

We all go about our daily lives not really paying attention to the activities of others around us.  Life seems to move forward no matter how we try to speed it up or slow it down.  Our attitude tends to put everything in perspective for us and we don’t think twice about what that attitude is. 

We wake up in a good mood, bad mood, or just figure it is another day.  We don’t reflect on the best way to start today, although, if we did, it would set a positive tone for the remainder of the day. 

How do you see the world?  Is it through your eyes or through someone else’s?  So often we let others dictate how we feel, what we believe, or determine who we are.  When we are children, this is natural as we don’t know any better, but, as we grow older, our world view should be our own.  Remember the term “peer pressure.”  This refers to our behavior and decisions determined by those around us.  Most of the time, this begins in school and can last a lifetime.   

The end of a dream can come from words or an attitude of someone else.  The dream itself was formulated inside each one of us.  We can hold on to that dream by knowing we all have the potential to realize it no matter what. 

So often I run into people with no self-esteem and I wonder how this happened.  Who said or did something previously to drive them down?  If you watch people every day, you see those who can’t make eye contact, who think that their low position job is the best they will ever be, who feel like they have nothing to contribute.  All this is a result of external pressures that we have internalized to be true.  It is easy to tell people they have more value than they realize but it means nothing until they internalize that message. 

How do you create your own special world?   

First, what happened in the past is gone.  Let it go.   

Determine to find a positive in every aspect of your life.   

Live in the here and now.   

Be present and focus on every interaction throughout the day.   

Reflect on every conversation.  Look for the hidden gems.   

Be excited for the future but don’t dwell on it.  Plan simply.   

Don’t try to do too much. 

Creating your world is like producing a movie.  You are the star.  The script that you go by is one that you have written yourself.  Like any good script, it takes time and effort.  Also, the benefit of your personal script is that it can be adjusted as you go.  You decide when you want to “ad lib” and make other changes.  All movies have a supporting cast.  Since you are the casting director, you determine who is going to support you and what role they will play. 

The message is that you have control over what your life will be like.  You may be affected by other people, but it is YOUR choice whether you accept it or not.  Be the one in charge and determine what your life plan will be and then carry it out utilizing the tips above.  Doing so will generate the happy and fulfilling life that you are seeking. 


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The Hidden Needs of Others

There is a YouTube video, link attached, that illustrates the true ability of a person to see behind the obvious. It is a video that is very strong and very powerful in communicating what goes on behind our perceptions. It is also a video that talks about ourselves and how we are motivated or defined by our attitude and how our attitude can be worked up in such a manner that we fail to see things as they really are.  

We have this in our lives everyday where we allow external factors to affect the way we are perceiving things or allow our attitudes to be affected. For example, you are in a management position and you work with customers. On most days, the customers’ energy is what brings you satisfaction and happiness in your position because most people enjoy shopping and making purchases, but occasionally you have that customer who is negative, complaining and it seems you simply can’t do anything to please this person. The longer this negative interaction continues, the more your attitude is soured for that hour or day. Therefore, for the remainder of that period, your perceptions of what you see and hear are tainted, all because of that one negative customer. Some people can allow that to roll off their shoulders and are able to maintain their positive attitude, but negative people drain us of our positive energy.  

Spending our day interacting with people can affect how we continue to communicate with others and how we treat them, and, I would say, how we are treated in return, because what we give is what we receive. It takes practice to train ourselves to be consistent in our actions and to be willing to understand the treatment we are receiving from others. We need to look in the mirror and see our reflection. It only requires taking a five second pause from what we’re doing, standing back and asking, “what’s going on, where are you right now, and where do you want to be?” This is something we normally don’t do but should.  The reflection we see is our attitude going to work on our perceptions.  Sometimes we are worked up to the point of being close to pulling an emotional “trigger”.  Emotional triggers come in many different situations – a teacher demeaning a student’s homework, an athlete who hears boos from the crowd. What does that do to his or her performance going forward? These determine how we communicate and how our attitude can change because of external factors.  

The reason we are talking about this today is because of our perceptions of others and whether we are actually seeing them or not and understanding what is going on behind the action. The video I mentioned really brings this to light, as it shows a man going through a typical day. It also shows how perceptions work him up toward his response level. He is looking at people through a certain filter and not seeing the entire picture. It is paramount for us as we go through each day, to understand where the other person is coming from. Unless we do not want to deal with people at all, it is always going to be something that we need to look at. Some people are very good at it and some are not. I know many people, who, when I enter a conversation with them, it is a very one-sided conversation. People love to talk about themselves and talk about themselves constantly. When they are doing that, obviously there are some thoughts and perceptions that are going on with the person they are talking to. For example, a thought might be I wonder if they’re ever going to ask about me? I wonder if they are even concerned about anything I am going through? I wonder how this person can be so egotistical? Each one of those thoughts or feelings creates a perception of the speaker, but if you turn it around and look at that person and wonder why they are talking so much and why are they so self-involved, there are probably multiple answers. We may never know where that person is coming from.  

The video below reflects what one person sees and what happens when he does not take into consideration other people’s needs.  When we all look at ourselves in the mirror and take the time to understand others, it means better communication for both sides and probably more understanding about the needs of other people.  

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The Masks of Perception

When you have a conversation, do you ever wonder what the person to whom you’re speaking is thinking about? This is probably common in most conversations. When this happens, the course of the conversation changes based upon the perception of thoughts each one has of the other. These are the masks that we wear as we move through life. By wearing these masks, we are living in a world of perceptions.

In order to get to the reality of a conversation, we need to get to the cause of the perceptions, both from a sender’s and receivers’ perspective. It is a challenge of how clearly, we speak, or if we really listen. When you think about it, how much are we actually listening when we’re trying to determine exactly what the other person is saying? Life is so much about assumptions and how they play out. In fact, wars have been fought based upon assumptions, arguments occur based on perceptions, and, relationships are fractured based upon both.

In teaching communications between individuals, there are many filters we all go through in order to send our message. Additionally, these filters also work on the person who is attempting to receive the message. These filters are such things as gender, culture, age and many others. For example, when a “baby boomer” approaches a “millennial,” what is going through the thoughts of each? This is before a conversation has even started! We all have biases and prejudices that rise to the surface as we prepare to speak or listen. These issues many times are the ones that will create a disconnect in the conversation or, even worse, prevent a conversation from even happening. Again, this is even before any words have been spoken.
In business, communication can run into the same pitfalls. The issues may be lack of clarity, misunderstanding of the roles, lack of respect and speaking different languages just to name a few. When these issues are brought into play, the perception of the sender and receiver begins to waver off course. When this happens, it can be difficult to bring it back. Add to this, the issues we spoke to earlier, including age, gender, culture, etc. When you put all these together, it is a wonder that a message can be communicated at all. When you look of successful companies, you’ll notice a common theme about those organizations, includes clarity of purpose, mission and direction. How did they do that?

Before the masks of perception can be removed, a person must be disciplined enough to know how to prepare for each role of the activity of communication. Since senders are the drivers of the message, they must prepare to deliver it in a clear, unbiased manner. In the same manner, the receiver needs to take a deep breath and remove all the filters, so they can receive the message. Neither party needs to take long to go through this process. It only takes seconds to clear your mind of destructive filters. Key note: both individuals need to remember that we can learn something from everyone we encounter all the time. So, clear your mind, speak clearly and/or listen closely to gain knowledge in every conversation.

The masks that people wear are due to the perceptions they have regarding other people. These will determine what path the interaction will follow. If you want to have more meaningful conversations and gain more knowledge from the people with whom you interact, remove the masks.

When you do this, you’ll gain more respect and understanding from a person you talk to, as they will react to the value you show them by demonstrating sincere interest. In the end, the breadth of knowledge that you’ll gain will make that encounter incredibly special.

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Thoughts Trigger Perception but Define Reality

We go through life with all sorts of external issues defining who people think we are.  Growing up, I was very introverted but rarely get defined that way today; then, in my twenties I “blossomed” into a “me first” type of person.  It is funny how getting married and having kids can change all that.

I look back now and can’t remember a time when I actually thought about how my thoughts were defining me.  I seemed to be reacting to everything and everyone around me.  Do you ever have to assume a role to make sure people view you the way you want?  Let me explain.  I always want people to see me as a confident, professional and knowledgeable speaker.  The problem is, my thoughts don’t always synch with my action.

What this means to me is that I “assume” I don’t have the confidence, professionalism or knowledge that I want to exude but I know that my actions are going to give the impression  that I do.  So, the question is, since my thoughts are creating an external perception, aren’t they also creating a new reality in me?

Think about your own situation.  Who are you and who are you perceived to be?  Your thoughts can take various roads in defining who you are going to be.  Are you really the life of the party or is that a role you play?   Understand that, if you create this perception, people may assume this is who you are.

All of this comes down to knowing who you are and/or who you want to be.  I prefer to think of myself as reserved, private, kind, understanding, a good listener, etc.  So, when I go into situations that may deviate from those qualities, I have to consciously think about I should stay the course or assume a “role.”

Just understand that your thoughts define you, accurately or not!

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Drop the Assumptions

To perceive a circumstance is to put one’s judgement on whether it exists or does not exist.  In all forms of human experience, this is what constantly defines our view of reality.  With this in mind, we can change our attitude, which in turn, changes our perception of the circumstance.

When we assume that our perception is real, then our reality becomes our attitude.  The risk here is that, one, we are assuming, and, two that it is our perception.  So, we are constantly living in a world of assumptions and perceptions.  Therefore, the question becomes, ‘when do we know it is real?

And, off we go into the realm of Realities and our attitudes based on the realitie